Another Green World

Pauline’s bored again. She needs something to do. So, she went down to the unemployment office this morning. The rich old biddy took a look around at all of the young people in line ahead of her. It’s a good thing she didn’t tell her friends where she was going today. Pauline shook her head to herself.

I would never hear the end of it!, she thought. However, this needed to be done. Sitting around her house doing nothing was taking its toll.

“Next please!” the man behind the counter called out. Pauline lifted her head and walked forward. She set her purse on the counter.

“Good morning,” she said. The man behind the counter blinked at her.

“Uh… are you lost ma’am?” he asked.

“This is the unemployment office, right?” Pauline asked.

“Yes,” he said.

“Then, yes I am in the right place,” she said. The man blinked at her.

“You sure?” he asked.

“Yes,” Pauline answered. “Is that a problem?” The man slowly shook his head.

“No, no,” he said. “How can I help you today?” Pauline cleared her throat.

“I’m looking for employment,” she replied. The man slowly nodded at her.

“Okay…” he mumbled. “Right this way.” Pauline followed him to the back room. The man sat down at a desk and pulled out a file from the open drawer. Pauline took a seat on the other side of the desk.

“So,” the man said. “What are your skills?”

“Talking,” the old biddy replied. “Organization, charm, and I’m a good people person.” The man took down the notes.

“And how old are you?” he asked. Pauline blinked at him.

“Excuse me?” she asked. The man lowered his hands.

“Let me be frank with you,” he said. “There aren’t many elders being hired for jobs nowadays.” Pauline frowned at him.

“What do you mean?” she asked. The man straightened up his glasses.

“Face it, miss,” he said. “You’re too old for the workforce.” Pauline looked at him with big eyes.

“But you have to help me out,” she said. “I can’t stand sitting in my house doing nothing any longer.”

“Have you thought of bridge?” he asked.

“That doesn’t work!” Pauline cried. “Can’t you help me?” The man sighed and shook his head.

“Fine,” he said. “Let me look.” He opened up the file and looked inside. Pauline waited intently.

“Well we’re in luck,” he said. “There is one job open for you.” The rich old biddy’s eyes lit up.

“Really?” she asked. “Thank you!”

At lunch, she called her friends at her house. Clyde, Lewis, and Muriel all looked at each other.

“What is she up to now?” Lewis asked.

“Don’t know,” Muriel replied. Clyde shrugged and shook her head. Clearly, they didn’t like where this was headed.

“Sorry to keep you waiting!” Pauline said as she came out with a tray of Earl Grey tea. Everyone looked up at her. She served them the tea before sitting down.

“Alright,” Lewis said. “Spit it out. What’s this all about? What are you plotting now?” Pauline gave her a huge smile.

“I start work tomorrow!” she announced. A moment of silence passed between the old biddies. Her friends broke down laughing. Pauline looked at them rather puzzled.

“What?” she asked.

“You? Working?” Muriel asked. Her friend nodded at her.

“Of course,” she said. “Is that a problem?”

“No,” Lewis said. “It’s just…” Pauline narrowed her eyes at her.

“What?” she asked.

“What’s da job?” Clyde asked. The rich old biddy frowned at the misuse of grammar.

“Door-to-door salesperson,” she said.

“Selling what?” Muriel asked.

“Make-up,” Pauline replied. Her friends didn’t talk at first.

“So… when do you start?” Lewis asked. The friend sat back, smiling.

“Tomorrow morning!” she bragged. “Isn’t that great?” Her friends nervously put on brave smiles and nodded.

“Yeah, great,” they lied. “It’s really great.” Pauline grinned at them in pride.

So, the next day came and the rich old biddy had on her fancy pink and white dress suit. She smiled at herself in the mirror after one more inception.

Perfect!, she thought. Pauline walked out the door with a proud step. No sooner had she gotten outside, she found herself greeted with a rude shock. Clyde, Muriel, and Lewis stood on the other side of the fence, grinning at her. The woman’s face just dropped.

“What… are all of you doing here?” she asked.

“We came to see ya on ya first day!” Clyde announced. Pauline’s face dropped.

“Why?” she asked.

“We wanted to see!” the dirty old biddy said.

“Please?” Muriel asked. Pauline sighed.

“Fine,” she said. “Just don’t get in my way!” The friends all grinned to themselves. Pauline did her best to put on a brave face. She wasn’t going to let these clowns ruin her first day on the job.

The four of them went down to Hopper’s Road with Muriel driving in a nervous wreck. Pauline took in frantic breaths to calm down afterwards. She cleared her throat and straightened herself up.

“Thank you, Muriel,” she said. Her friend smiled at her in the rearview mirror.

“You’re welcome,” she said a small voice. Pauline frowned at her. Clyde looked through the beauty kit. The rich old biddy turned her sharp attention to her.

“Oi!” she yelled. “Get out of there!” Clyde drew back her hands.

“Okay!” she said. “Okay, okay.” The old biddy started to draw back her hands, but then sprayed Pauline in the face with a bottle of perfume. The rich old biddy hissed aloud.

“Ow!” she cried. “It stings! Quick! Get my handkerchief!” Lewis reached into her purse and handed it to her.

“Here, you go,” she said. Pauline grabbed it and wiped down her face. She breathed for a moment and turned her attention her friends.

“How is my face?” she asked.

“Good,” her friends quickly said. Pauline snorted.

“Right,” she said. The rich old biddy climbed out of the car and walked up the front door. Pauline rang the doorbell and waited. She perked up once the potential client opened up for her.

“Good morning, ma’am!” she greeted her. “I’m with the Wind Bell Beauty Company. May I interest you in some of our beauty products today?” The other woman at the door took one look at her and her eyes widened so big. She freaked and slammed the door in Pauline’s face. The old biddy didn’t understand it. That was strange, she thought. Pauline didn’t notice that her face broke out into tiny red bumps. She turned around to her friends. They noticed her face right away. Naturally, they tried to keep from laughing at her.

“So, how was it?” Muriel asked.

“Awful,” Pauline replied. “I don’t know what she panicked like that.”

“We can’t imagine either,” Lewis lied. Pauline shrugged and went to the next house. It only got worse from there.

Pauline went up to the second house and rang the doorbell. She perked up when the potential client came to the door.

“Good morning!” she greeted the old lady. “I’m with the Wind Bell Beauty Company. May I interest you in some of our beauty products today?” The old lady freaked out and slammed the door in her face. Pauline didn’t understand it.

What the…?, she thought. The red spots on her face had gotten darker. The other old biddies found it hard not to laugh at her. For the rest of the neighborhood it got worse. Every house that she went, the residents slammed the door in her face out of horror at what they saw. The condition on Pauline’s face did little to ease the situation. The red dots became red splotches on her skin. Some of them even darkened and started to peel. Pauline looked as if she had been sunburned by this point. Her friends’ laughter didn’t really help her either.

“What’s so funny?!?” she snapped. They refused to tell her the truth, however.

“Nothing,” they would brush off. “Nothing at all.” Pauline frowned in frustration.

“Knock it off,” she said. The laughing and rejection continued to get worse throughout the morning.

By lunch, the old biddies stopped in the Sunny Plum Café. Pauline groaned at the table. She buried her face in her hands.

“I don’t understand it,” she groaned. “I have everything just right! Why won’t they give me some of their time?” The woman lifted her head and glared over at Clyde.

“It’s possibly her fault,” she hissed at her friend. Clyde grew pissed off as the other two giggled at Pauline’s face. The old biddy’s face looked like red war paint with little white bumps on it.

“Why it got to be mah fault?” Clyde asked. Pauline glared at her.

“They probably took one look at you and got scared,” I reasoned, “I’d probably do the same thing if I was them.” Clyde gritted her teeth and made a fist. Lewis had to hold her back.

“Hello ladies!” Tucker greeted them as he came from the back. “How is every…” All words were gone when he saw Pauline’s face. The other three biddies put their fingers to their lips. The owner nodded uneasily.

“Okay…” he mumbled. Muriel grinned at him.

“We’re fine,” she said. “And how are you?” Tucker slowly nodded.

“Good,” he lied. “I’m really good!” He turned when he heard humming behind him. Annie came out of the kitchen, smiling. Her husband raised an eyebrow at her.

“What are you so happy for?” he asked. His wife smiled at him.

“I’m not going to get angry today,” she said. Tucker narrowed his eyes at her.

“You won’t?” he asked.

“That’s right,” his wife said, “I read a book about being stress-free and staying calm. It was really influential and now I’m just going stay calm and happy all day.” Tucker frowned in disbelief.

“Really?” he asked.

“Yes,” Annie replied. However, that all changed when she turned and took one look at Pauline. That woman let off a loud scream.

“AHHH! DAMN IT, TUCK! WHY DO YOUR FACE HAVE TO PAINT THEIR STUPID FACES?!?” she screamed. Pauline looked highly confused.

“Huh?” she asked. The old biddy looked in the metal napkin holder. Boy did she scream!

“What the…?!?” she cried. Her friends only laughed louder.

Two hours later, Pauline managed to get her face straightened away. Her friends sat outside pharmacy, waiting. She gave the trio a stern look.

“You could’ve said something earlier,” the rich old biddy hissed.

“Sorry,” her friends lied. Pauline snorted at them.

“Right,” she said. “Back to work.” They all gave her the strangest look.

“What? Why?” Lewis asked.

“I’m going to say my first day through!” Pauline said.

“How?” Muriel asked. The rich old biddy leaned down to her, grinning.

“By all means necessary,” she said in a low voice. “And I know just the place!” The three of them gave her another odd look.

They made it back to her own neighborhood. Pauline straightened herself up and climbed out of the car.

“Watch me work this!” she bragged. The other old biddies just waved her off. The end results? Only one client. Just one and Pauline practically had to beg the old lady to take a kit off her hands. Her friends sat in the car, waiting. Muriel leaned over the driver’s side door, smirking.

“Well?” she asked. Pauline let out a hard sigh.

“That’s it,” she mumbled. “I’m done.”

First Day at Work

listube - free online on-demand music player