Messages to Simon

    Simon was *still* in a coma. The tape player was by his side again. Sid had a nurse leave it there. Sid had a plan this time. Here is the tape this time:

    "/Hey, Simon! I recorded some old voices to bring you back./"

    Casper: "/Hi Simon./"

    Ando: "What's up, Si?"

    Emma: "#You know what, con? Can... Can you hear me? Can you hear me?#"

    Sid: "/Maybe, act like he can!/"

    Emma: "#Okay. Alright, Con! Hope you're well. Uh... weather is good. Wish you were... uh... awake. Love, Emma.#"

    Sid: "/No, I said act like he can here you, not write him a postcard./"

    Emma: "#Well, I don't know, do I? It's hard!#"

    Sid: "/Yeah, well welcome my world!/"

    Emma: "#Ando, you have a go!#"

    Ando: "What should I say?"

    Sid: "/Just tell him how you keep his interest in! Anything!/"

    Ando: "Okay, uh... Oh yeah, me and Shinji were looking at some videos on the internet and we saw this one of a woman sticking a dildo down a man..."

    Casper: "/Aw, come on, Ando!/"

    Ando: "What? It's interesting! You never know, it might shock him awake!"

    Casper: "/Like that works!/"

    Sid: "/Actually, it's not a bad idea. I mean, I've tried everything else. Has anyone else got any sick shite?/"

    Ando: "I do. Uh... Simon, you ever heard that one about that woman who masturbated with a live lobster and gave birth to a load of shrimps. Emma, you try."

    Emma: "#Well then there was a girl, who was uh, having a naughty with a boy on the roof of a car and lighting hit them and they like fused together and she's alive, and this bear comes and eats her dead boyfriend who's still attached to her.

    Sid: "/Casper?/"

    Casper: "/What about that fish that swims up your pee and lodges itself inside of you? It's got barbs or something and it can... *Sigh* Christ, I don't know! Sid, this isn't working!/"

    Sid: "/Well, it was worth a try. Come on, let's go get a coffee./"

    Ando: "See you later, dude!"

    Casper: "/See you soon, Simon! I hope.../"

    And with that, Simon finally and slowly woke up out of his coma!

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