Sky High

That lonely feeling. Everyone gets it. Clyde has it bad at the moment. She looked at herself in the shop window. I’m so lonely, she thought. The old biddy looked over at the newspaper ads to her left. Her eyes moved to the Lonely Hearts’ ads. Mostly women looking for a boyfriend or a good time. Suddenly, she stopped. The answer stared her down in the face.

Gentleman looking for lady companion. Call me at 1904-742-9961.

Clyde stood back, smiling. Okay then, she thought. That’s when the planning started. Clyde went into the general store for the ad. In ten minutes, she walked out with ad. That evening, she made the call. The woman waited on the other line.

“Hello?” she acted with a fake proper accent. “Is this ‘Gentleman looking for lady companion’?” Clyde paused for the answer. She smiled at the response.

“Lovely,” the woman said. “I am responding to your ad that just saw. When exactly can we meet?” Clyde listened and wrote down the information. She nodded as she did so.

“Alright,” the old biddy said. “I’ll see you on Saturday at eleven. What do I look like?” Clyde looked over at herself in her dirty mirror.

“Red hair, short, and slender,” she replied. “I’ll pick you up at the train station. Okay, bye.” They both hung up. Clyde looked at herself in the mirror. Time to clean herself up.

Her friends wondered why she was acting so strangely. She hadn’t been around them for three days. Lewis, Pauline, and Muriel began to get worried.

“Think she’s dead?” Muriel asked in the Sunny Plum Cafe. The other two looked at her. She shrugged at her friends.

“I’m just saying,” she replied. The friends didn’t speak. Then, they heard the door jingle open. They turned to see Clyde walking in. She grinned with her dirty, crooked teeth.

“’Ello, you lot!” she called. The friend all looked at her. Lewis blinked at her.

“Where have you been?” she asked. Clyde gave her a small shrug.

“Jus’ ‘round,” she said. Then, she turned and walked away. The friends looked puzzled.

“Clyde?” Muriel asked. The bell rang as the door swung closed. Tucker and Annie watched over the counter.

“What’s with her?” the husband asked. The friends shook their heads at him. It only got weirder from there.

Clyde invited the old biddies to her house. Pauline sneered at her.

“No,” she said. Her dirty friend raised an eyebrow at her.

“Why not?” she asked.

“Your house is just filthy!” Pauline hissed. “It disgusts me!” Clyde pouted at her.

“Aw, come on!” she whimpered.

“No!”

“Please?”

“No!”

Clyde gave her little puppy eyes. Pauline tried to look away. Lewis broke down and sighed.

“Let’s just go over and humor her!” she groaned.

“No!” Pauline complained.

“Please?” all three friends begged. Pauline shut her eyes and looked away. In the end, the old biddies headed over to Clyde’s house. The old biddy turned to her friends with a grin. They looked rather confused as she opened the door. Shock smacked them in the face when they looked inside. Clyde’s house looked clean from top to bottom. Pauline blinked many times.

“I think this is the wrong house,” she said.

“No,” Clyde said. “Tis me ‘ouse!” The old biddies looked on in shock and confusion. Muriel raised an eyebrow at the interior.

“Where are your dogs?” she asked.

“Outside,” Clyde replied. “See?” The three friends looked out the back door to see the two sheep dogs looking at them as if to beg to let them in. Pauline turned to Clyde.

“Why?” she asked.

“Why what?” the dirty friend asked.

“Are you doing this?” the rich old biddy asked. Clyde only shrugged at her.

“Felt like it,” she said. “Tea, anyone?” The old biddy walked over to her kitchen as her friends really panicked now. It would only get worse.

That evening, Clyde looked at herself in her newly cleaned mirror. Her appearance was the last things to be fixed.

On Saturday out of concern, Lewis, Muriel, and Pauline walked up to the dirty old biddy’s front door. The farmer knocked on the door.

“Coming!” they heard someone yell out from the other side. Elegant, airy tone caught them off-guard. The bigger shock came when the door opened before them. Clyde greeted them dressed in a fancy light blue Sunday dress. Her shoes and pantyhose looked brand new. Her dirty tangled hair was washed and put back into a ponytail. The jewelry and make-up added onto the shock even more. Her friends all looked at her with big eyes and jaws dropped. Clyde raised an eyebrow at them.

“Is there something wrong?” she asked. Her friends quickly shook their heads.

“Nothing!” they all lied at first. Lewis tilted her head for a bit.

“You just look all dressed up today,” she pointed out. “Going somewhere special?” Clyde grinned and gave her a little wink. The old biddies had never seen her teeth look so clean and white before in their earliest memories. Despite being crooked, they looked so nicely cleaned.

“That’s my little secret,” she replied. Muriel straightened her glasses for a better look.

“I never knew you had such red hair,” she said.

“Do you like it?” Clyde asked.

“I guess…” Muriel said.

“Thank you,” her friend replied. Pauline received the most shock.

“You’re grammar!” she gasped. Clyde cocked her head at her.

“What about it?” she asked. Her rich friend shook her head. Clyde looked over at her friends.

“Do you have the time?” she asked. Pauline raised an eyebrow at her.

“Why?” she asked.

“I just want to know,” Clyde replied. Lewis looked at her late husband’s wrist watch.

“Near ten o’clock,” she replied. Their friend looked on in elegant shock.

“Oh my!” she said. “I have to get going! I’ll see you guys later!” Then, she hurried away to her planned destination. The friends all looked at her with scared, puzzled looks on their faces.

“Who was that?” Lewis asked. Muriel and Pauline shook their heads. It didn’t take long for them to decide to go and follow her.

They trailed her all the way to the train station. Clyde stood by waiting. She looked up at the station clock before turning her attention to the tracks. Her friends stayed a safe distance. Muriel raised an eyebrow at what she saw.

“What’s she doing here?” she asked. Lewis waved her off as she shushed her. They all kept their eyes on their cleaned-up friend. At eleven o’clock, the big steam train pulled up to the station. Clyde walked forward in excitement. The doors opened and let all of the passengers off. She looked at all of them one by one. Finally, her gentleman stepped out to her. He looked about her age in a deep blue suit. Clyde gave him a little smile as she hurried over to him. The man looked up and spotted her.

“Hello,” she said. The man gave her a smile in return.

“Are you my date?” he asked.

“That’s right,” she said. The old biddy put out her hand and he kissed it. Clyde gave him a little giggle. He looked up at her deep green eyes.

“What is your name, may I ask?” he asked her.

“Clyde Wolfe,” she said. “What is yours?” The gentleman kindly smiled at her.

“Peter Gold,” he said.

“Nice to meet you,” his date replied. Her friends watched on even more puzzled.

“So that’s it,” Pauline whispered. The old man looked his date in the eye.

“Shall we get going?” he asked. Clyde grinned at him.

“Sure,” she said. He took her by the air and walked away with her. The friends followed behind at a safe distance.

Clyde and Peter had a nice time out. They went to the park, fed the ducks, stopped for a bite to eat at the Sunny Plum, and went out for ice cream. Midway, her friends gave up following her and let her be.

“Think it’s over for her?” Muriel asked. Neither Lewis nor Pauline wanted to answer that. In fact, the thought freaked them out. By three o’clock, Clyde took Peter home with her. She turned to him at the front door.

“Want to come in?” she asked. Peter gave her a warm smile.

“Why thank you,” he said. Clyde unlocked the door and let him in. She put the kettle on in her kitchen. Peter sat at the table, looking around.

“You have a nice home,” he said.

“Thank you,” his hostess replied. She came over to the table with the tea. She poured him a cup. Peter took a sip and inhaled the rich aroma. Clyde sat beside him, smiling.

“How is it?” she asked.

“Mmm,” her date said. “You did a wonderful job.” Clyde smiled again. Peter put down his cup.

“Clyde,” he mumbled. “Can I ask you something?” The old biddy looked stared at him.

“Yes?” she asked. He turned and grabbed her by the hand. The woman looked at him with big eyes. Peter stared her down in long silence.

“Clyde, will you marry me?” he asked. Clyde snatched away her hand.

“No!” she snapped. Peter looked at her with a blank stare.

“But why not?” he asked. Clyde shook her head.

“That’s not what I was looking for,” she said. Her date looked puzzled.

“Then, what were you looking for?” he asked.

“Sex,” Clyde said without thinking. “What were you looking for?” Her date looked really hurt by this point.

“A wife,” he said. The conversation and bond just died from there. Needless to say, Clyde showed him out and went back to her old ways in a quick amount of time.

The next day, she tried to join her friends on the rive bold. Lewis, Pauline, and Muriel were relieved to see Clyde back to her old self once again.

Not My Kind of Man

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