Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door

Bar tabs are a pain the neck. This is especially true when there isn’t enough money. So, what do you do? Try to find someone to sponge off for their drinks. That’s the old biddies plan this afternoon. Muriel looked down at her drink.

“So,” she said. “What do we do?” Her friends didn’t speak. Lewis shrugged. Clyde shook her head. They all looked at Pauline. The rich old biddy shrugged at them.

“What?” she asked.

“Don’t you have money?” Lewis asked. Her friend shook her head.

“Sorry,” she said. “I left my wallet at home today.” Her friends all pouted.

“What?!?” they asked. Pauline nodded them.

“Sorry,” she said. Clyde really frowned at her.

“Really?!?” she asked. Muriel took moment to think about that.

“Hm…” she said. The friends all looked at her.

“What are you thinking?” Lewis asked. The divorced old biddy glanced around the pub. She scanned the bar slowly. A familiar back caught her eye. Muriel smirked at the knit-tweed jacket.

“Guys, look,” she whispered. Clyde, Pauline, and Lewis looked on with her. Pauline squinted at the man’s brown newsy cap.

“Wait, is that Peter Young?” she asked. Muriel nodded at her.

“Yep,” she said. A devilish grin came onto her face. The old biddies all stared at her closely.

“Muriel, no!” Pauline gasped. Her friend nodded.

“Oh yes,” she said. The other three stared at her. Lewis frowned a bit.

“But how?” she asked. Muriel grinned.

“I have just the thing,” she said. They looked at all of the people at the pub today. Just the usual people today. The old men from the bridge club, Peter Young, Tina, Old Man Mickey, Timmy, and Old George.

The bridge club always came to the pub every Wednesday for their meetings. The old biddies would share a drink with them from time to time. Sometimes, the men even flirted with them. Their leader, John, turned and waved to them.

“Hey ladies,” they said. The old biddies gave him a small wave.

“Hey Muriel,” he said.

“Hello,” she said.

“How are the kids?” he asked.

“Good,” she said. “And how’s your boy?” John nodded at her.

“He’s doing ace,” he replied. The men in the bridge group chuckled. Muriel turned back to her friends.

“We will convince Peter that he is prophet,” she whispered. Her friends looked at her funny.

“A prophet?” Clyde asked.

“Aye,” Muriel replied. “We have to convince that he is a prophet from Heaven and get him to pay the tab through flattering him.” The other three didn’t speak at first.

“Flattery?” Pauline asked. Muriel nodded. The other three pondered this for a moment.

“I guess it could work,” Lewis said. Her friend grinned.

“Of course!” she said. They all watched the pub again. Old Man Mickey sat in the back corner near the fire exit. He never really talked to anyone when he came here. Clyde stared at him as he kept staring at his beer.

“Oi,” she whispered loudly. “Ya think ‘e’s mute?” Pauline smacked her on the arm.

“Ow!” Clyde howled.

“Keep your voice down!” the rich old biddy hissed. The other old biddy stuck out her tongue at her. The other two looked at Old Man Mickey in the corner.

“It’s hard to see, really,” Lewis replied. The others turned to her.

“Huh?” Pauline asked. The farmer shrugged at her.

“Well, think about it,” she said. “Have you ever known him to speak at all?”

“Well… no,” the rich old biddy said. “But that doesn’t mean he’s mute!”

“’Ow do ya know that?” Clyde asked. Pauline frowned as she knocked her friend in the head.

“Ow,” Clyde whimpered.

“Well, there’s only one way to see,” Lewis said. The rich old biddy looked her in the eye.

“No,” she said. The farmer shrugged at her.

“What else do we have?” she asked.

“True,” Pauline said. “But that’s just rude!”

“Hey, don’t you want to know or not?” Lewis asked. Muriel kept her eyes Peter Young for the whole conversation. This man was notorious for not paying the bills of our patrons down on their luck. Nothing worked to sway him. Muriel thought about being first to change that.

I’ll get you, Peter Young, she thought. You will pay the tab for sure!

Timmy was the youngest patron of the group. In fact, he worked there. His uncle owned the pub. All of the patrons knew him like their own little brother. He barely spoke at all. Despite being so polite and proper, he never really made eye contact with people. Pauline gave the boy a little smile and wave.

“Hey there, Timmy,” she said. “Found yourself a nice girl yet?” The young man blushed and quickly walked away.

“Leave the boy alone,” Lewis spoke up. Pauline gave her a lost little look.

“What?” she asked. “He’s eighteen years old! He should get proper girlfriend by this point!”

“But you embarrass him!” Lewis whispered.

“It’s needs to be asked,” Pauline whispered back. Muriel had already formed the plan in her mind. Clyde turned to her friend.

“’Hat’s on ya min now, Mur?” she asked. The old biddy turned to her with a devilish grin.

“I have just the plan,” she said. The others leaned with great curiosity. Tina could be described as a good time girl. All she practically did was drink and socialize with the men folk. In fact, she talked loudly next to Peter Young as he tried to ignore her. Everyone kept staring at the fact blonde with slight agitation.

“There she goes again,” Pauline said with a sigh.

“How does she do it?” Muriel asked.

“Who knows?” Pauline asked.

“So, what’s this great plan that you have?” Lewis asked. Muriel turned to her, smirking.

“Just follow my lead,” she said. The old biddy cleared her throat. “But, soft!” she said aloud. “I had a dream last night!”

“A dream?” Pauline said with a fake gasp. Muriel nodded.

“Aye,” she said.

“What was this dream?” Lewis asked. Muriel rose to her feet.

“One man,” she said. “Shall save us all from the drowning!”

“A drowin’?” Clyde asked.

“Aye!” Muriel replied. “This little pub will drown and we will be swept away!” She paused and glanced over at Peter Young. “But, there is only one brave man to save us all!” the old biddy announced.

“Who could he be?” Pauline asked. Muriel quietly sat down. Her eyes peeked over at Peter Young glancing over his shoulder at them.

“A really fine man,” she said. They all eyed Peter Young.

“Now what?” Pauline whispered.

“We wait,” her friend said. The women all took a drink. Old George pretty much lived in the pub. His lived in a room behind the building. He only came inside during the day. In fact at the moment, he slept on the bar. The old biddies watched him closely.

“Think it’s time to kick up out again?” Lewis asked. The others pondered this for a moment.

“I give him two more hours,” Muriel said. The farmer pouted a bit and nodded.

“Yeah,” she said. “I think you’re right.” They all paused when they heard someone approach their table. Muriel smirked to herself.

Five, four, three, two… one, she thought. She and her friends looked up to see Peter Young looking at them.

“Yes?” Muriel asked. Peter snorted at them.

“I have a little prophecy for all you that says you lot are paying for your own drinks!” he snapped. Then, the man marched back to his seat at the bar. The four old biddies frowned. Well, that plan went bust. Yet, Muriel wouldn’t quit.

Calling Plan B!

“Since the prophecy thing didn’t work,” she said. “We’ll have to challenge him to a duel! If he gets up first from this seat, he’ll have to pay the tab.” She said it loud enough for him to hear her. Peter sneered to himself at those words. That looked like a tough battle. He wasn’t going to budge to this tiny challenge.

Luckily, the ladies had a little unexpected help on their side.

“Hey guys,” Timmy spoke up. “Has anyone seen Tina anywhere?” Hearing the question come out of that young man’s mouth snapped everyone right into attention. The people all looked around.

“Come to think of it, I haven’t seen her for minutes now,” Pauline said. Everyone looked around the pub. One of the men from the bridge club happened to look out the window.

“Peter!” he yelled. “Tina’s gotten into your car and is trying to drive it away!”

“What?!?” he yelled as he jerked his head over towards the window. A loud crash permeated the air. Peter looked up in shock.

“My car!” he cried. Then, the man leapt up to his feet and raced out of the pub. Everyone else ran after him to check on the wild woman’s well-being. Muriel grinned to her friends as they remained sitting at the table.

“I think we won,” she said. They all just watched from the window as they tended to Tina and the damaged car.

Fair Cop

listube - free online on-demand music player